Rebecca Fellenbaum shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.
Rebecca , we’re thrilled to have you with us today. Before we jump into your intro and the heart of the interview, let’s start with a bit of an ice breaker: What do you think others are secretly struggling with—but never say?
Self-doubt.
Because self-doubt often comes with shame and a sense of disconnection, it’s not something we talk about much. On the surface, we might not even know that it’s there.
On the outside, most of us strive to be confident, capable, or even perfect. But in the quiet moments, many of us wonder: Am I enough? Am I lovable? Am I doing this right?
At our essence, we are love embodied. Yet in early childhood, before we’ve developed discernment, we absorb messages from our caregivers, trusted adults, and our culture and society. These might include: I’m too much. I’m too needy. I’m not lovable. These beliefs lead to self-doubt. Then, when our ego comes online around age 7, it works overtime to protect us and keep us safe. It takes those shameful beliefs, and instead of helping us process the feelings, our ego takes over. We develop adaptive parts like overperforming, perfectionism, people-pleasing, judgment, and self-sabotage to cover up our self-doubt.
I’ve worked through this myself, and I see this with many clients. Self-doubt doesn’t just whisper “you’re not enough,” it shows up in daily life. In the mom who bends over backwards to please everyone else and ends up exhausted. In the professional who keeps striving but never feels satisfied. In the woman who sets no boundaries and wonders why she feels resentful. All of it stems from self-doubt.
The good news is that we can reconnect with our true, whole selves. That essence of love is right under the surface. To do this, we feel our feelings, reparent those younger parts, and create new beliefs that reflect our worth. When we do, self-doubt loses its grip.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I’m Rebecca Fellenbaum, a Certified Adult Chair® Coach, Reiki practitioner, writer, and mom based in Shaker Heights, Ohio. I help moms who have made it on the outside feel great about themselves on the inside, so they can enjoy their lives, kids, and families.
I found early motherhood challenging, but instead of questioning it, I followed all of the expert advice. When my kids triggered me (which was often), I blamed myself. I covered up my negative self-talk by presenting myself as the perfect mom – fit, healthy, keeping a nice home, doing all the right things for my kids, staying on top of my career, being a loving wife, daughter, and friend.
It was exhausting. I wasn’t true to myself. I had lost myself. There wasn’t really space for me in that scene.
I knew there had to be another way. I found The Adult Chair® podcast and listened to the teachings of self-love and living from your higher self. They resonated immediately. As I internalized the ideas of listening to my intuition and feeling my emotions, the voices in my head changed from being outside experts to tuning into my own voice. I learned to respond, not react. I met my inner child and allowed her to come out and have fun. I started to work on myself and saw my relationships improve as my perspective changed.
That transformation inspired me to become a certified coach. My signature Finding Joy package is a four-month coaching experience where I walk alongside clients in a safe, supportive container. Together, we explore the protective parts that keep them stuck and learn practical somatic tools to shift those patterns. Clients often come in feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or “not themselves,” and they leave feeling lighter, clearer, and genuinely excited about their lives again.
Through speaking engagements and workshops, I’m connecting with my local community. I am continually blown away by the depth of talent here in Cleveland, and I feel honored to be a part of this community.
At the heart of everything I do is this message: you deserve to enjoy the life you’ve built.
Great, so let’s dive into your journey a bit more. What did you believe about yourself as a child that you no longer believe?
As a child, I carried two big beliefs:
If I could fix everything, I could keep people happy.
If I could just fly under the radar and not cause problems, life would be easier for everyone.
Those beliefs shaped how I moved through the world. I became hyper-attuned to the emotions of others, always scanning for ways to fix things. I tried to make myself easy-going and needless, to avoid adding to anyone’s stress. On the outside, I behaved like a “good” kid (and I was!). But inside, I carried a weight of responsibility that was never mine to hold.
We can’t make other people happy, and we can’t protect them from their problems. And yet, as I’ve learned through this work, many of us carry these patterns into adulthood. They show up as over-functioning, people-pleasing, and self-neglecting.
The work I’ve done to release these beliefs has been some of the most liberating of my life. Now, instead of trying to fix or hide, I can honor my truth. I take responsibility for myself without carrying the weight of others. I have learned to set boundaries that honor my needs. And in doing so, I’ve discovered more peace, more joy, and deeper connections.
When did you last change your mind about something important?
For me, changing my mind often comes through somatic work. The issues, as they say, are in our tissues! When I sit with a younger version of myself, I meet a part that’s holding on to a fear or belief. I can give her space to feel and express. That is how I ultimately shift my mind.
Recently, I worked with a part of me that believed success always has to come with exhaustion. For years, that part pushed me to overwork, strive, and prove myself. But when I sat with her, I realized she was a younger version of me who believed she had to earn love by doing more. By meeting her with compassion, telling her the truth, and updating that belief, I changed. Now, I can embrace success with rest, ease, and joy.
So while it may not look like a dramatic change from the outside, internally, it’s a big shift. Each time I work with a limiting belief, I step more fully into my adult self, and my perspective opens in ways I never imagined possible.
Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. Whose ideas do you rely on most that aren’t your own?
I am blessed to learn from extraordinary teachers and mentors. I never miss an episode of We Can Do Hard Things or The Adult Chair with Michelle Chalfant. I love the teachings of Lee Harris, whose work always seems to speak such truth. I love reading and have benefited from many books. My favorites are listed here (https://www.rebeccafellenbaum.com/blog/the-top-15-books-that-influenced-my-healing-journey). And my Reiki teacher, Kristen Eykel, has been a personal mentor whose guidance continues to shape my path.
Wisdom doesn’t just come from the big names or people with platforms or courses. Some of my most profound insights have come from conversations with friends and family, fellow moms, other coaches, and people wonderful enough to share their thoughts with me. When we’re open, wisdom shows up everywhere.
Ideas are like little sparks of wisdom floating in the ether, waiting for somewhere to land. When we slow down, listen, and allow, we become safe vessels for these downloads. And when we bring them through, whether in writing, coaching, or daily life, we get to participate in adding something new and beautiful to this world.
Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. Are you doing what you were born to do—or what you were told to do?
I am living my purpose.
For years, I followed the rules and did everything I thought I should do. I built a life that looked good on the outside, a career, family, and home, but I felt disconnected on the inside. I was doing what I thought was expected of me, not what my soul was calling me to.
Through inner child work, somatic practices, and reconnecting with my true self, I discovered the work I was born to do: guiding women back home to themselves. Now, through coaching, writing, and energy work, I help moms release old patterns, build self-worth, and find joy.
In a way, I was told to do the work I’m doing now. Not from the outside, but from my soul.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://rebeccafellenbaum.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rebeccafellenbaumcoaching/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebeccafellenbaum/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rebeccafellenbaumcoaching
Image Credits
Victoria Stanbridge Photography
