Exploring Life & Business with Jess Patz of Jess Patz/ I Choose Hope

Today we’d like to introduce you to Jess Patz. 

Jess, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
I met my ex-husband at the ripe age of 18 years old and by 19 we were expecting our first child together. My mom had been critically ill, and the relationship I had with my father was strained so I was quite literally an abuser’s dream come true. The first time he ever physically abused me I was about 4 months pregnant. I knew what had just happened was wrong, and was completely taken back but also didn’t want to be a single mom on top of a young mom. He never talked about it again so I almost thought I had dreamt it. Surely it didn’t happen quite how I remembered. It wouldn’t happen again… naturally, it did because that how abuse works. 

We had our second child in August of 2007, just 3 short months after my mother had passed away, and married the following July. By this point, I knew, oh my goodness I knew, that our relationship was not healthy but I had no clue how to leave. Could I be a single mom? What if he followed us? Would he take the kids? What about money, how would I support us? So many unanswered questions that at the time seemed more scary than staying and enduring the continued abuse. Once we got married things went from bad to a total nightmare. It was like a switch had flipped because now he had me right where he wanted me. The sexual abuse and choking me when I upset him went to an all-time high. After a brutal attack where my kids where physically in between us and in harm’s way, I knew I had to get out. He had cracked my ribs, broken my jaw, and then drug me up the stairs by my hair to our bedroom where he forced himself on me. 

Thankfully I had an AMAZING support system who quite literally swooped in with pickup trucks and garbage bags to help the kids and I move. Statistically, it takes victims up to 7 times of trying to leave before they stay gone. I don’t know how or why, but once I was out, I never went back. Never wanted to or questioned it. Even though I was now physically safe and I thought my kids were too… I was wrong. The courts forced us to try and co-parent since none of the abuse was proven from a legal perspective. The one and only time I had him arrested (which was after we had already moved out) for choking me infant of our children, his charge of domestic violence was plead down to disorderly conduct and a $50 fine. At that time, I didn’t have an advocate or legal help. There was no one to explain to me what to expect or advise me on how to handle these kinds of situations. 

For the next 10 years, we fought in court for custody of our children. I spent thousands of dollars in attorney fees, counselors, court costs, only to be told that what happened between he and I while we were married was irrelevant now. That my children coming forward saying they were being abused or that their stepmother was being hurt wasn’t credible because of their ages and the fact that they couldn’t form “accurate timelines”. I hid in plain sight. I was a shell of my formal self. I had left. I did the right thing. I called him out, but still my kids were in harm’s way and now justice had been served. 

In 2018 my ex-husband was sentenced to 20 years in prison for attacking and almost killing his second wife. He was convicted of felony domestic violence, kidnapping, felonious assault, and rape. 

Once he was officially gone and everyone could FINALLY be safe… I decided to share my story. I didn’t know why at the time but holy cow did it ever pay off! I have continued to share my story with anyone who will listen and have been able to connect with the most incredible people across the country! 

We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Not at all! haha Navigating life “after abuse” while still being forced to co-parent with your abuser is 100% worse than suffering the abuse yourself. 

Now that he is in prison for two decades it doesn’t mean that our lives are just all rosy either. My children served things that most adults I know couldn’t have. Helping them deal with their PTSD and trauma has not been easy at all. Not to mention what their future relationship looks like with their dad. Is it ok to miss him? Is it ok to love him? They are broken over what their dad has done and the people he has hurt, but he is still their father at the end of the day. 

As for the “business” side of things. and now being a public advocate who opens up to strangers every day… sometimes I feel like I am making a huge impact and other days I feel like I am messing it all up. 

Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know?
With Jess Patz, I use public speaking as tool to help people realize that even their darkest pain has purpose and that taking ownership over that pain has power. 

I Choose Hope helps domestic violence victims and their families with emergency relocation or lodging needs. Shelters are often full or understaffed. Shelters are also not right for everyone. I help to find an alternative 

So, before we go, how can our readers or others connect or collaborate with you? How can they support you?
Monetary donations are what help make I Choose Hope possible. We also have apparel you can purchase and a large part of those sales come back to help our mission. 

Following me on social media, sharing my content, booking me to speak at your events. All of these is ways help erase the shock and stigma of domestic violence and make others feel less alone in their journeys whether it’s domestic violence-related or not. 

IG @_jesspatz 

FB Jess Patz 

email: jpatz86@gmail.com 

Contact Info:

• Email: jpatz86@gmail.com
• Website: ignitinghope.rsvpify.com
• Instagram: @_jesspatz.
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/settings?tab=profile&section=username

Image Credits
Maddy Sharp Photography