Community Highlights: Meet JEANNETTE BENJAMIN of Tiger Martial Arts/LaGrange Yoga & Fitness

Today we’d like to introduce you to JEANNETTE BENJAMIN.

Hi JEANNETTE, so excited to have you on the platform. So before we get into questions about your work-life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today?
I have so many stories that have brought me to where I am today. My husband, Scott and I own a few small businesses. We are from Ohio, but started out working for various companies in Los Angeles. He worked in management jobs while I was a legal secretary, proof-reading wills, trusts, union documents. My last job was for a financial investment company in Beverly Hills.
When our first child, Zack was born, he had to have emergency surgery. It hit me hard that I was responsible for this tiny human and I just could not leave him in the care of others, but we still had to pay the bills. This was in 1988. I started my own remote typing business in LA. I typed everything – movie scripts, books, sales letters, resumes, etc., all while my newborn slept. I was able to make more than I did as a legal secretary!
At that time, Scott worked for various companies in management and sales. He went from job to job, always getting laid off due to the economic situation at the time. He was also a collector; his passion was advertising items from old service stations. He collected gas pumps, the advertising globes that sat on top of the pumps, and many metal and porcelain signs, and oil cans. He would buy and sell items to support his collection and supplement our income. In 1992, our daughter, Breanna was born. Two kids and a mortgage on a house in Lancaster, California.
Then, Scott was laid off again. He came into a small collection of items. He said, “this can keep us going for the next few months”. At the same time, my biggest typing job came to an end. So, together we set up his business of buying and selling items. I took care of all of the bookkeeping and administration. He bought and sold. We were able to pay our bills, barely. It was nerve-wracking, to say the least. Our neighbors were putting in flowers and wall papering their kitchens, buying boats and new cars while we managed to keep the grass cut, had one vehicle, and ate a lot of rice and beans. These were wonderful years. Around our work, I played outside with the kids, went to every park we could find, had the baby in cloth diapers, found a gym that was $10 a month with a sitter. I needed that. I fell in love with fitness. It was the one thing I did for me.
We decided to move back to Ohio where it would be easier to run the business and we could be close to family. Then we started a second business publishing a magazine for collectors. My husband had a partner and together they would put together articles about collectibles. They would follow shows, auctions and would feature other collectors. I did all of their proofreading and managed subscriptions, classified ads, etc.
I was able to work around the kids, which was wonderful. I had time to volunteer at the school, take them to swim lessons, like the stay-at-home moms, except I still had to work the deadlines and do the bookkeeping. It was always tight, but we managed to build a good life, had a nice home and were close to our families.
In 1995, our son, Jaren came into the world at 9-1/2 pounds. We called him Pounder. Zack was in second grade, Breanna in pre-school. Busy times! In 1998, Bre wanted to try martial arts. I signed her and Zack up and a week later I joined class, and then Scott joined us. Sometimes we would bring Jaren and he would play while we did class. Other times one of us would stay home with him. When he was four, he joined class with us. He had about a twenty-minute attention span and would end up hiding behind the punching bags. We all loved martial arts! I knew I wanted to teach as soon as we started. Over the years, we all worked our way up the ranks. As a family this was so good for us, to step away from the businesses for an hour at a time, to meet people, to be strong and fit. The kids all made it to second degree black belt! Jaren had his in three different martial arts – Taekwondo, Hapkido and Kunindo. Zack competed in a national grappling tournament and placed first! Bre was a little beast and went on to run five marathons.
I started teaching martial arts and cardio kickboxing in 2001. A few years in, I started doing yoga to help with some of the aches and pains associated with being a martial artist. I loved it and decided all martial artists needed yoga! By 2011 I was a certified instructor and our wonderful martial arts master allowed me to teach at our dojang. LaGrange Yoga & Fitness was born. I was teaching Taekwondo, kickboxing and yoga….and still working our two other businesses.
In 2013, Scott and I took over ownership of the martial arts studio. By 2018, the kids were on their own, Bre was living in Philly, doing her residency after med-school, Zack lived in Chicago working as a network architect and Jaren was also in Chicago working as an auto-mechanic for German vehicles and as a driver. We would joke that they were all fixers. Bre would fix our physical ailments, Zack would fix all our computers and Jaren, the cars. We were so proud of our kids. They were all doing what they loved.
And then, in 2020 our lives were forever changed. Jaren came home from Chicago to visit, since Bre was also coming home after she visited Toledo to see her boyfriend’s family. Jaren was going to work on my car. He arrived at 3am, hugged me. I told him I was too tired to chat and he said, “it’s okay, mom, we will talk in the morning”. He had the leftover pizza and stew I had made, loved on the dogs and went to bed. He never woke up. Our beautiful, creative, caring son. He had a drug problem. We didn’t know. How could we not know? We learned that on the way to Ohio from Chicago he stopped by a friend’s to get some cocaine. Was he planning on staying up all night so he could work on my car that Scott needed at 8am to go pick up a collection? We will never know. Three weeks later we found out the cocaine was laced with carfentanil. Carfentanil is a synthetic opioid. It is used as a tranquilizer for very large animals like elephants. Jaren weighed 145 pounds. There was no way he could fight his way out of that.
The trauma of finding your child as non-responsive, but still warm, calling 911, the dogs howling, doing CPR, him throwing up, me thinking “that must mean he is still alive” (it doesn’t) sirens, following the ambulance to the hospital, calling Zack, asking him if Jaren was doing drugs, calling Bre who was on her way. Then, at the hospital, six rounds of Narcan, calling my sisters, letting them know, “this is bad”, my dear sweet niece, Kristin who had just finished her nursing shift at same hospital, embracing me, watching the ER doc slowly walk down the hall toward us, “we’ve done all we can, he’s gone”, hearing Bre on the phone to the ER doc. Him saying “asystole”. What was that? No heart beat. Jaren was gone. Seeing Scott howl and collapse to his knees. Kristin and I going into the room where they brought Jaren. He was no longer warm. We washed his face and cleaned him up the best we could from the smell of vomit. I also smelled of vomit, it was in my hair. Bre’s arrival to the hospital, my sisters, Bre’s dear friend, Katie. Her other dear friend, Megan, who was on the phone with Zack for his entire gut-wrenching four-hour drive from Chicago to LaGrange. Coming home without him. A week of shiva and we aren’t even Jewish. So many friends and relatives in my kitchen, piles of food, so much pasta, planning his memorial, writing his obituary, talking to LifeBanc about donating tissue – they didn’t want his organs due to drug use. It was traumatic, in the deepest meaning of the word. Zack and Bre each wrote heartfelt tributes to their little brother. We had a small memorial at our favorite restaurant, the Feve in Oberlin. We went there from the time they were all little. Bre’s friend, Rachel made a beautiful slide show of our life with Jaren.
Then everyone left. I even left Scott home alone. I took Zack back to Chicago with the dogs, Rocky and Ruby. I cleaned out Jaren’s room, gave things to his friends, and donated the rest to a mens rehab clinic. Zack tried to work. I stayed a week and a half. I had my 59th birthday there, Zack bought me a cupcake. Scott came to pick me up and brought me a necklace with Jaren’s birthstone. I left Rocky with Zack. I figured he needed something to take care of, a reason to get up. I started journaling. My first entry was, “By helping others, I will heal.”
My poor family. Jaren’s death was the third death in three months time. We lost my youngest brother Matt just a month earlier. He was 51 and my eldest brother, Larry, aged 72 the month prior to that. My remaining five siblings were in grief overload but provided so much support.
Scott and I had to start the next awful chapter of our lives. I was so worried about Zack and Bre, living away. Bre at least had her boyfriend, Sam, but she was in her residency and could not take any time off. Zack was home alone with Rocky, but working remotely. After just a couple of weeks Scott and I returned to the dojang to teach. It was all I could do to get through a class, helping the kids in TKD, doing yoga and exercising with my crew of women. I was able to hold it together, it was good to shift my focus to them. I would get in the car for my one mile ride home and burst into tears, every single time. It was the only time I cried, class after class. Zack, Bre and Sam came to visit about six weeks after we lost Jaren. This was the weekend that the world shut down due to the pandemic – Covid 19. For me, personally, it was the best thing that happened. We closed the dojang and I stayed home for the next few months. I was given time to grieve alone. Zack ended up staying with us for the next three years. I helped him pack up the apartment. He and his buddies moved his stuff to our house and Zack, Scott and I worked from home.
Here I was, 59 years old, grieving, trying to figure out how to teach via Zoom and how to upload content to YouTube so we would not lose the whole business. I learned how to use scheduling software. I learned how to use invoicing software. We still had to pay the rent on our gym space. Our students were very supportive. We did this for three months before we were able to once again open our doors. Imagine little kids with masks, not allowed to go near one another, in a martial arts class! We set up cones on the floor and they had to stay in their “area”. They had to wash their hands on arrival. We had gallons of sanitizer. Class size was limited. I would hold my breath as I tied belts for the littlest ones.
Meanwhile, Bre moved from Philly to New York continuing her residency in a physical rehab hospital, where they started to treat Covid patients. Yes, I was very worried. In her “spare time” she started making scrub caps and masks for all her co-workers and basically everyone she knew. She called it her grief therapy. She made thousands – and in her spare-spare time made a mask for every single one of our Taekwondo students – out of Ninja Turtle fabric.
Prior to the pandemic, I was teaching yoga and martial arts at eight different locations. After losing Jaren, I never returned to any of those jobs. I focused on keeping our space running. I received counseling. I took meditation classes. I went to yoga at my favorite studio. My instructor kept his eye on me. I kept journaling. Zack wouldn’t go to counseling but he did an extensive online program with my yoga instructor (who was also trying to keep his business running). Zack learned all about asana and meditation. He worked out everyday. I am convinced that moving our bodies helps release some of the grief we store.
I found myself helping my friends who had lost husbands, quite a few who also lost children, parents, friends, and those who were dealing with illnesses, simply by listening to them. We also have special yoga classes every month, offering Reiki, massage, meta meditation, working our emotions through the seven Chakras, and even fun stuff like dance, jewelry making, face reading, and making aroma therapy sprays. These yogis have NO IDEA how much they were helping me heal.
Through all of this I wanted to do something to honor Jaren’s memory. He was such a genuinely good person. He didn’t care about making a lot of money. He was content to have enough to pay his bills, to be able to buy another old Mercedes to “work on”. He was known for giving big tips, for asking if he could pet your dog. He also drove Uber in Chicago. He told me about taking an old lady to the grocery store and then helping her carry her bags to her door. He talked about another woman who knew all about Hip Hop’s beginnings in NYC. He was impressed! He always looked everyone in the eye and shared the biggest, most beautiful smile. He hated racism and would let anyone know when they were out of line. Now, he wasn’t an angel all the time. But he is now. Anyway, in his honor, I held little “Jaren Days” every birthday, inviting his friends. Zack and I would cook up a bunch of Jaren’s favorite foods, feed everyone, and tell stories. I had ideas for other ways to honor him, maybe provide a scholarship for Taekwondo or to his local high school, maybe a bench with his name at the local park. The things that everyone did. But nothing struck a chord with me.
Until one day, a stranger knocked on our door, Jim Rising. He owned the empty lot next to our house. It had always pretty much been a field with a gas well on it. We would cut the grass for the first owner and he said we could use the lot if we wanted. Jaren made a racetrack for his go cart and mini bike. He played so hard in that side yard, even into adulthood. We hosted a block party one summer, had our family reunion with a 50 foot long slip and slide and kept cutting the grass. When the original owner passed away, the property went to Mr. Rising. The gas well was removed. We no longer cut the grass. When Mr. Rising offered us the property at an incredibly affordable rate, we immediately said yes.
Scott and I debated what to do with this acre of land. He thought about building a garage, or a small apartment. And then…it hit. Scott said, let’s build a park! And so, Jaren’s Park was born! WE RAN with this idea. We wanted this park to be a place of Peace & Play, honoring all the young people from our community who passed away before their time. We did not want a “cemetery vibe.” Though I did want a mandala in the center with a rock that had Jaren’s name on it. Generally, a mandala is considered an impermanent circular structure or design made with rocks, leaves, sticks and it changes with the wind and the weather. It is a place where one can reflect and meditate and rebuild the circle. Ours needed to be more permanent. We went with brick pavers around the main rock and then heart shaped pavers, 12 around the main rock and twelve more around the pavers, 24 in total, Jaren’s age when he passed. When Jaren was little he would always find heart shaped rocks outside and give them to me as little gifts. I have a small basket full of them. I invited kids and families to paint rocks and we placed those around the main rocks. Now these do tend to get moved around quite a bit and new rocks are added allowing impermanence. While constructing this park, I tripped on a small rock in the yard. I picked it up, and yes, it was heart-shaped, just sitting there in the grass.
I wanted playground equipment. We were concerned about liability. I asked my very good friend, Sue, who is also my insurance agent about it. She said we will always be liable and that if something were to happen, a court would always side with an injured child. I felt defeated until Sue said, “but don’t let that stop you.” That was all I needed to hear. I immediately purchased a swing set with a slide and monkey bars! Scott was a bit taken aback thinking it was perhaps a rash decision, but that is just what we needed to kick start this project! Our neighbor helped us assemble it. We planted a bunch of trees and built a little rock garden. I had the names of every kid I knew who had passed away in our community painted on a rock for this garden. Sadly, there were eight in our neighborhood alone. Jaren’s friends had more names, people asked if they could have a rock. There are quite a few in there now.
Scott and I had so many ideas on what to do with this space. We wanted more equipment for kids, but we had sunk quite a bit of money into the mandala, rock, trees, grass and purchasing the property. We had a big fundraiser on the Summer Solstice. I gave a yoga class, my friends made so many beautiful baskets filled with goodies for a raffle, my sisters sold 50/50 tickets and donations started to come in from so many people in the community. Our instructors at the dojang, my boss at the pre-school where I taught yoga and TKD, neighbors, friends, relatives, strangers. We built a small pavilion with picnic tables, dear friends donated the concrete for the pad, a laborer donated his time for pouring it, a bike rack and library box were donated, along with a climbing rack and jeep climber. We were on the receiving end of so much love. Another friend brought flowers in the spring and beautiful evergreen arrangements in the winter. A woman down the street who also lot her son would bring a small decoration every holiday. The following year we were able to erect a big double “Adventure Tower” with two slides, as well as a baby swing, a toddler swing, and park benches. Last summer I built a butterfly garden. It is in the shape of a butterfly and filled with butterfly bushes and mini sunflowers. A neighbor built a solid wood park sign which my niece Kristin, the nurse, hand painted with Jaren’s likeness. It will last a life-time! What a labor of love.
The park really turned out just how we imagined. What we didn’t imagine were the connections we were making in the community. A mom thanked me, saying what we did offers hope for families who are struggling with loss or those struggling with kids who had drug or mental health problems. She said we created a space that could spark conversations and bring awareness. Yup, we took our grief and built a place that everyone could enjoy, reflect on their own situations and find hope.
This park is a lot of work for my husband and me but it brings us so much joy. Hearing kids having fun, watching them play warms our hearts. When I am out there pulling weeds or watering flowers, someone always stops by and offers a hand. The other day Scott asked how I was doing. I told him that I was doing pretty well and that I only think about Jaren when I am alone or with someone. We then shared a little laugh.
By helping others, we will heal.

Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Not necessarily smooth. Biggest struggles, business-wise were the lean times. I always called it feast or famine.

In our personal lives, the biggest struggle, obviously was losing our son. We decided from the onset that each of us would be grieving differently and that we had to not make each other wrong for how we grieved. I knew I would need to have things neat and orderly. It was the only thing I could control at the time. My husband knew he would have issues with attachment. Every little thing that our son owned or touched would mean something to him and it would be hard to let go. We allow each other to grieve however it appears.

We’ve been impressed with Tiger Martial Arts/LaGrange Yoga & Fitness, but for folks who might not be as familiar, what can you share with them about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
Tiger Martial Arts offers Taekwondo and Hapkido classes. We focus on practical martial arts for self-defense. We teach ages five and up and have many families who participate. We also offer self-defense workshops for groups of women and young adults. This has been a labor of love from the start. We strive to keep our prices low to help families.

I also teach Yoga, Spin and Fitness classes. I specialize in yoga for healing, bringing relief to everyday aches and pains, but also working with clients on specific issues, injuries or illnesses. You won’t find hot yoga or power vinyasa at my studio. If you want a workout, come to my fitness or spin class. If you want to find peace and heal your body, mind and spirit, come to my yoga class.

Jaren’s Park has nothing to do with our businesses, but it is our gift to the community and the community’s gift to us. I sometimes offer yoga classes in the park, under the trees.

What’s next?
For Tiger Martial Arts and LaGrange Yoga & Fitness, we plan to continue offering classes and workshops, providing a safe space for families to learn martial arts and for individuals to work on their fitness, clear their minds and find peace.

For Jaren’s Park, we always want to add more. Next on our list is an accessible walking-path (or maybe a re-creation of Jaren’s racetrack) around the park. I imagine little kids on their trikes, moms with strollers, those in wheelchairs able to tour around our little park, maybe while their other kids play on the equipment. We would also like to have a giant Adirondack chair for climbing and picture taking! Lastly, we would absolutely love to put in an old caboose. Jaren loved trains. We don’t currently have funds for any of these items but somehow, it will happen.

Contact Info:

• Website: TigerMartialArts.net LaGrangeYoga.com 440-213-8933
• Other: https://maps.app.goo.gl/eMjKxdWff4yahHm56 – this is the google maps link to Jaren’s Park! Link to Morning Journal article: https://www.morningjournal.com/2024/08/01/jarens-park-in-lagrange-is-a-place-to-deal-with-grief/