Today we’d like to introduce you to Gabriella Kreuz.
Hi Gabriella, thanks for joining us today. We’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
I started the nonprofit Love Doesn’t Shove because I wanted to help other young people avoid getting into the same cycle of abuse I was once in. The educational conversation began as a dating violence awareness campaign in 2014, because it seemed like a topic that wasn’t talked about much on campus. I was a senior at John Carroll University at the time and I had an amazing support system made up of track teammates, friends and Sports Information Department coworkers who encouraged me to go forth with the idea. Fast forward to 2016, I began giving presentations in schools and formally registered Love Doesn’t Shove as a nonprofit with the state of Ohio. I’ve stuck with it ever since.
Like many young people, I found myself in a toxic cycle of abuse that had escalated to physical violence. I was just a senior in high school when the relationship started and it was my first relationship. Not only did I lack life experience and the education to recognize all the early red flags, I also grew up in a somewhat chaotic environment. I come from a blended family and all of my siblings have struggled with addiction. My half-brother, Kevin, overdosed when I was a freshman in high school. Addicts are inherently compromised in their ability to build and maintain healthy relationships. Subconsciously, I associated love and some unhealthy behaviors together because it was just what I was accustomed to from my home experience.
The unhealthy relationship ended by the time I was a sophomore in college because it became impossible to hide the abuse from friends and family when one night my boyfriend at the time blew his fuse on me in front of my friends (this was unique because usually he was very charming in front of them and only abusive when no one was around). My friends tried to separate us but he kept harassing me until finally he “calmed down” and went to a separate room. He waited for everyone to fall asleep before coming back to where I was sleeping to wake me up and keep arguing. He physically picked me up and took me out of the room so no one could hear how awful he wanted to be toward me.
In the dorm floor lobby, he screamed at me, pinned me to a chair and ripped the jewelry off my neck. He was on and off grabbing my neck to threaten me. It wasn’t the first time he had been physically aggressive toward me. He had a history of blaming his outbursts on me so I always thought the abuse was my fault. This time, he was upset because I had gone to a party without telling him the night before. He was extremely controlling and I had started omitting details of my days to avoid constant arguments involving hostile interrogations and accusations. This backfired because he had certain people at my school “keep an eye” on me and an acquaintance mentioned seeing me at a party. Because my boyfriend didn’t attend JCU, he didn’t allow me to go to parties or be in certain social settings without him.
In fact, one time he drove three hours to one of my track meets to spy on me and make sure I never spoke to one of the guys on the team he thought had a crush on me. As soon as he saw me chatting with a group of teammates–which included that guy–on the infield of the track, he stormed onto the infield and yanked me out of the track meet. He screamed at me in the hallway, called me all kinds of names and said he was breaking up with me and driving home. Instead he stayed to keep spying on me then ambushed me after the track meet to make me ride home with him. I was just a freshman then and we weren’t allowed to go home with anyone but the team our first year. He met me back at school and a hostile all-night argument ensued (this kind of behavior became the norm).
Luckily, the night he pulled me out of a dorm room to physically assault me, someone in the dorm overheard him and called the police. Once the police showed up, we had to make police reports and the school got involved. I ended up telling my parents because I kind of thought I was in trouble at the time and the school might tell them. My friends were already out on this guy and I staying together. They lovingly said they wouldn’t support it if I stayed with him, If it weren’t for JCU’s Violence Prevention and Action Center (I didn’t know we even had that on campus) I wouldn’t have had an advocate to give me support resources, information and immediate counseling/briefing on legal options. In hindsight, I see how influential my friends and JCU VPAC were in my decision to actually leave that guy and pursue a protective order.
By the time I was a senior, I happened to be far enough ahead in my studies to change my minor to sociology; I also entered a support group through the Domestic Violence and Child Advocacy Center, thanks to JCU offering the resource. All of the education I received through both of these avenues was as enlightening as it was healing. It was so transformative for me personally that I really felt called to gift that education to young students.
I feel really grateful for the support system I’ve had. Without it, I don’t think I would have gone on with the confidence to not only form Love Doesn’t Shove, but pursue my dreams. I was able to finish college as a Division III Cross Country All-American, win 8 OAC Track titles and set 6 school records. For comparison, I hadn’t even won a single race when I was in the abusive relationship. I was physically and emotionally drained as a person during that time. Leaving, healing and having a support system meant everything. I used my last season of track eligibility to run Division I at Syracuse University while obtaining a master’s degree in broadcast and digital journalism from the Newhouse School.
Now, I’m in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in (I feel so blessed to know this love). I’m producing my own show called “Kreuzin Cleveland” which is a ride-along show featuring interviews and activities with Cleveland athletes. It feels great to challenge myself and add value as a visual storyteller to uplift and entertain our community.
It also feels awesome to recognize that today, I have an amazing, supportive teammate. He doesn’t seek to control me, stifle my personality/creativity or otherwise make me “smaller.” He helps me bloom. I’m no longer stuck in cycles tolerating repeated patterns of unhealthy behavior characterized by extreme highs and lows. I am peaceful. I am present. I am filled with gratitude. Knowing I didn’t get here on my own, I feel an enormous responsibility to pay it forward with Love Doesn’t Shove to help young people have their opportunity to know “healthy and safe.”
I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
The biggest struggle in the beginning of leaving was feeling confused and sad because I loved him. He was scary and did awful things and it was unknowingly wearing me down physically and emotionally. But he was also my first love, I saw good sides of him during the honeymoon phase and I empathized with his abusive home environment and how it contributed to why he behaved the way he did. I wanted to believe he would change like he said he would.
Once I became educated and really connected the dots about his repeated pattern of manipulative behavior, the lying and the narcissistic tendencies, it was hard to unsee. I knew he wouldn’t change, and that made leaving easier.
Other struggles after the fact I think included being emotionally unavailable for awhile. I also had a hard time accepting healthy love– I worried it would be “boring.” As human beings, we tend to gravitate toward what feels familiar, not necessarily what feels healthy. I made the mistake of dating someone very similar (minus the physical abuse) a few years after. It took some time and therapy for me to see that I was attracted to the same kind of cycle. From there, I made efforts to work on myself and set myself up for a healthy partnership.
Great, so let’s talk business. Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
I technically work as a full-time freelancer in Cleveland as an on-air sports host and commercial talent. The Cleveland Guardians, BIGPLAY SportsNetwork and Cleveland 19 News are some of my employers. I’m spending a lot of time working on the new show “Kreuzin Cleveland.” However, because I have a fluid schedule, I have continued to grow my nonprofit Love Doesn’t Shove, bringing dating violence education to schools throughout Northeast Ohio and beyond.
I really enjoy facilitating interactive, informative discussion with students and feeling like it makes a positive difference. The feedback I get constantly reminds me how important and relevant this conversation is for young people. It really keeps me going. I’ve certainly been impacted by some of the comments students make and the experiences they share. Just helping one person or making them feel heard/enlightened is worth it to me.
Is there a quality that you most attribute to your success?
The ability to read and feel an audience and adjust to them. Delivering messaging to an all boys crowd vs co-ed vs public vs private vs big vs small– there are unique nuances you pick up on in different audiences. I always use the first few minutes to feel my crowd and adjust my energy accordingly. The goal for me is always to resonate and make a difference; not to condemn or turn any ears off. I always try to humble and humanize myself so the conversation feels authentic and that the message is “for” the students not “at” them.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://lovedoesntshove.org
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovedoesntshove
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lovedoesntshove/
- Twitter: https://x.com/thesportsGab
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@kreuzincleveland
