Today we’d like to introduce you to Tammy Adler-Foeller.
Hi Tammy, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
Thank you for this opportunity. I am the Executive Director and a founding member of OpenDoor-Columbus.
OpenDoor-Columbus was founded by three moms. Leslie and I were desperate for our daughters to stop using drugs, and Rachel was devastated by the death of her son murdered by men high on drugs.
Three moms. One vision. Many goals.
Our lives were intersected by sadness, pain, heartache – and eventually, hope.
Leslie and I have endured the suffering that comes when a loved one is drowning in the depths of addiction. Both of us know the heartache and loneliness of having daughters addicted to drugs. Two beautiful girls from the suburbs. From “good” families, “good” neighborhoods, “good” schools, “good” upbringing. Both families suffered in silence. And in isolation. Yet, it is these secrets that brought Leslie and me together in a friendship of shared pain. Shared uncertainty. Shared sadness. Shared isolation. And while our beautiful daughters were spiraling in the depths of addiction and all the ugliness that comes with it, we had each other to dig out of the solitude and darkness.
This is our story. This is the story of our children who never met but brought us together.
In 2017, I was at my usual Al Anon meeting during lunchtime. Al Anon offers support for families of loved ones suffering from addiction. The room was full, and I felt safe. I listened as people shared their heartache and even their joy. It is surprising that in a room full of families worried about their loved ones suffering from substance use disorder, (addiction) there could be joy and even laughter.
It is in Al Anon I met Leslie. Her heart was broken. And heavy. And sad. When I looked at her, I saw my reflection.
Leslie and I became fast friends, sharing our secrets, fears, and loneliness that comes with loving a daughter who is addicted to drugs. Our daughters, who were once full of life, were now trapped by addiction.
And we were trapped, unable to help them. And scared not to help them.
We decided we wanted to do something, for our community suffering from the opioid crisis besides focus on our own pain.
We reached out to Rachel for guidance. She, too, had been impacted by addiction and has dedicated her life to our community.
Rachel’s son Brian was a student at Franciscan University in 1999 when he was kidnapped and murdered by two young men high on crack. There are no words in the world to describe that kind of piercing pain. No words.
Instead of this defining Rachel as a victim herself, she has spent her life serving children like the ones that murdered her son. She has tirelessly embraced children who are growing up in neighborhoods riddled with guns, drugs, violence, neglect, and abuse in Columbus, Ohio, as well as Steubenville, Ohio, and Cleveland, Ohio through the Brian Muha Foundation.
Rachel not only offered guidance, but she became the third founding member of OpenDoor-Columbus.
Soon after the three of us committed to helping our community, I had a chance meeting with Tina Husted who introduced me to the Open Table Model ™of Change. This Model has been used across the country for just under 20 years but was not being utilized for people in recovery from addiction. OpenDoor-Columbus became a licensed user, and we became the pioneers of providing Tables to women for this population.
OpenDoor-Columbus provides one year of free services to women in recovery from addiction supporting their transition to a healthy, drug-free life.
We do this by creating small communities of 6- 8 volunteers (like book clubs, running clubs, work associates or any group; as well as individuals can join and have the opportunity to join other individuals). Volunteers are formally trained and then befriend one woman following incarceration, concurrent with treatment, and committed to a life of recovery. The women are from h.a.r.t. court (helping achieve recovery together), Federal Probation, Treatment Centers, and Mommies Matter.
Each community of volunteers, called a Table, selflessly give their time, share their resources, and engage in friendships transforming lives. Communities and relationships are the vital pieces of recovery that are missing for many women in our community.
The Dept. of Health and Human Services designates the drug crisis as an epidemic. It states on its website:
In the late 1990s, pharmaceutical companies reassured the medical community that patients would not become addicted to opioid pain relievers, and healthcare providers began to prescribe them at greater rates.
Increased prescription of opioid medications led to widespread misuse of both prescription and non-prescription opioids before it became clear that these medications could indeed be highly addictive.
It is not a secret that the opioid crisis has been devastating to our country.
We are blessed families as our daughters are in recovery. Their journeys were ugly. Our journeys were painful.
I had to learn to love my daughter differently than I wanted to. Loving my daughter was contrary to everything I knew about love. I had to say no when she wanted money, I had to say no when she wanted me to cover for her, I had to say no to doing for her what she could do for herself if she weren’t using drugs. I had to love her in contradiction to what I knew love looked like.
My daughter started using alcohol and other drugs at the young age of 12. What I know now is that she was having flashbacks of her childhood that were painful- rather unbearable. What I know now is that trauma is the segue to substance use disorder. What I know now is that my daughter has a brain disease.
Family life living with a person who suffers from addiction is nothing short of chaos. Constant uncertainty, constant fear, darkness, and isolation. We spent our days hiding her attempted suicide, her ending up in a psych ward for 3 days, meeting her new drug dealer there, running away, car crashes, stealing, lying, and manipulating. We lived in silence as the disease tore our family apart.
Following yet another visit to the psych ward, I told my daughter when she was ready; we had made arrangements for her to go to Florida (her favorite place) to get well. She told me she’d let me know, but she was fine!
The next day my daughter called crying because she wanted help. Three hours later, covered in scabies and high, we put her on a plane to Florida.
In my naivety, I thought she would be home in 30 days, and life would be “normal.” I was so wrong. Treatment, halfway houses, relapses became our “normal.”
This went on for what seemed like eternity until one day; I stopped “saving” her. My “help” was the very thing that was keeping her from seeking the real help she needed from God. By this time, she was homeless on the streets of Fort Lauderdale, without money or food, and I wouldn’t pay for a hotel anymore. It was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I told her I loved her, and I hung up. And then I cried and prayed for days.
Three days later, my daughter called- she had detoxed in a car, found a sober living house, and said she was going to a 12-step meeting. Then the whispered the words I had been praying for- she said, “I am not going to use drugs today.” That was the first time she said “today.” No promises beyond today. That is the day our lives changed. That was February 8, 2013.
She still says, “I am not going to use today.”
I’m sure you wouldn’t say it’s been obstacle free, but so far would you say the journey has been a fairly smooth road?
My personal journey with my daughter has been the greatest challenge of my life- watching her in the throws of her addiction was the darkest, loneliest, saddest time of my life. I am incredibly blessed that I have been given the opportunity to do something positive from that experience. I no longer live in the darkness, and I am passionate about bringing light to others. When we can turn our pain into something positive, the pain is lessened. OpenDoor-Columbus was born from that.
Our journey for OpenDoor-Columbus has had many challenges along the way.
Our name remains one of our obstacles- when we applied for our name, and our name was approved, we had no idea that it was also the name of two other organizations. The confusion has been a challenge.
We have had stumbling blocks with the women we serve because that is the nature of addiction. We have experienced relapse with a couple of the women we have grown close to. That has been especially heartbreaking for our volunteers. Our volunteers are dedicated and invested in this program, putting their hearts, souls, and time wholeheartedly in; relapse is crushing.
A big challenge for us is determining what recovery looks like. Recovery is defined as a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential. How this is achieved is the controversy. Some believe 12-step meetings and a sponsor are non-negotiables; some say use of MAT- Medically Assisted Treatment is acceptable, while others are opposed; some say people on MAT are not “clean,” so they shouldn’t go to 12-step meetings. OpenDoor-Columbus accepts women on MAT, and we also want them to be involved in 12-step or other recovery program of their choice. We are seeking guidance from doctors and other professionals.
One of biggest obstacles is having enough volunteers. In a short time, we have close to 80 people volunteering with us. What a blessing! The challenge is each woman that we serve has 6-8 volunteers who spend an hour a week for one year with her. With the ratio of 6-8 volunteers to one woman, and the need for our services so great, the demand for volunteers is relentless. We have women in line waiting from our Referral Partners and we struggle to keep up with the demand. We cannot serve them until we have enough volunteers. THAT IS OUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE!
Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
We specialize in a unique approach to transformation. We focus on the relationship first, and helping achieve goals later. We are all about the relationship which is why we devote an entire year to each woman we serve. That is what we are known for – walking side by side women in recovery for an entire year. Each woman has a team of 6-8 people who are her advocates, mentors, and encouragers sharing their personal social and relational resources.
We have watched miracles and lives change right before our eyes. Susan (her name has been changed to protect her privacy) was homeless, had recently lost her husband to an opioid overdose, had no way of supporting herself, and was supposed to return to Federal Prison when she met her team (Table). She was so broken. During the year with her Table, she received section 8 housing, she brought her pain and sorrow to her Table to sit with her in her grief, sharing their own grief and loss, and she started working. When her court date to return to Federal Prison was scheduled, several of her Table members went to court with her. They had letters and personal testimony of how well Susan was doing to tell the Judge (who 2 months earlier said she could not be reformed). The judge was so impressed with Susan he did NOT return her to prison. She doesn’t belong in prison. She has had the support and resources for her life to be transformed. Her Table has a friend for life.
What sets us apart is that 6-8 people are dedicated to one woman for one year, meeting weekly helping her achieve her life goals. I do not know of any other organization that pours so much time and energy into one person- bringing members of the community to work together to walk with women in recovery. The community involvement is incredible.
Alright, so before we go, can you talk to us a bit about how people can work with you, collaborate with you or support you?
People, organizations, families, clubs, faith communities are welcome and needed for our mission. OpenDoor-Columbus is run one hundred percent by volunteers. With the ratio of 6-8 volunteers to one woman on a Table, we need help!
Collaboration is necessary to have an impact on this horrible disease. We are open to collaborating with organizations who have the same mission- to help our community overcome the devastation of the opioid epidemic. It will take a village.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.opendoor-columbus.com
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/opendoorcolumbus/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/OpenDoorColumbus/
