Today we’d like to introduce you to Nikki Dalhamer
Hi Nikki, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
First and foremost, I want to thank you for allowing me to tell my story. Just having this opportunity is more than anything I could have EVER dreamed of. My story is rather long, but if you are interested in learning more – my podcast, Evolution by Nikki, is available on Spotify & YouTube. You can access all of my social media accounts by visiting: https://linktr.ee/Evolution_by_Nikki I am going to do my best to “summarize” my story for you. Myname is Nicolette Dalhamer and I am originally from Bayonne, NJ, but now reside in Marysville, Ohio. I am 34 and the mother of 2 amazing kids and am married to literally the best man in the world. I am a teacher by trade. I graduated from Saint Peter’s University in 2010 with my BA in Elementary Education & American Studies. However, how I made it this far is not due to upbringing or family connections. I got here by the sheer grace of God. Let me explain. I come from a broken home, like many children these days. My parents were divorced by the time I was 4. I was raised by my mother, who was the sole custodial parent. We never had enough money, lights were constantly off, cable, PSE&G, internet … and rent? Forget about it. My mom was a hairdresser and never seemed to be able to budget correctly. So, each month it was up in the air which bill was going unpaid. I went to catholic school my whole life and was constantly threatened with expulsion if my mother didn’t pay my tuition. When I was about 13 she remarried and became a full blown opioid addict. She was originally prescribed Vicodin and Percocet to manage the pain from her degenerative disc disease and sciatica, but soon she was introduced to Oxycotin by her doctor. She was told that it was “less addictive” because of the new FDA label that Pfizer was granted stating such. I lost her at that point. She would lock herself in her room for days on end, high as a kite, hallucinating and mumbling incoherently. She would forget to do my wash, cook me dinner, make my lunch, wake me up, take me to school … then she stopped coming out of her room all together. One day I had enough and opened her locked door with a credit card. What I saw was horrifying. She was laying there in a puddle of sweat, naked. I woke her up and she went into her bathroom, which had a skylight and she looked up and said, “do you see all the people?” I said, “ma- what are you talking about? We’re in the bathroom!.” She said, “Don’t you see all the people in the pews?” She thought we were in church. She was having a full-blown hallucination. That night I left the house in the middle of the night. I had no idea what time it was, but I took the Broadway bus to my best friend’s house. I just could not deal with it anymore. I was so lost and alone. When I was 15 I met a boy who was 19. He asked me to prom and we started dating in 2004. I was with him for 4 years. This boy introduced me to cocaine and ecstasy. Initially, it was recreational use on the weekends, but it quickly progressed to using multiple times a week. All we were concerned about was hanging out with our friends drinking and using. It was like that for a while. Just living my life without any adult intervention. No rules. Eventually, I started sleeping over his house just to get away from my problems at home. But, living with him was no better. Clearly, he got me addicted to drugs! Perhaps the worst part of the story is that when I was 18 I moved in with him and that’s when he dropped the bomb. He was an illegal immigrant and the only way he could get citizenship was if a family member who was already a citizen sponsored him or if I married him. Being young, dumb and naïve, I did just that. I married him. His family gave us $5000 to go to Vegas and get married. I on the other hand did not tell a soul. I literally had no adults in my life to guide me leading up to this time. Worse yet, he cheated on me on my birthday at a club in Newark with 2 underage girls. I caught him and confronted the 2 girls. He had told them both that he just got out of a long-term relationship. He hadn’t. Then, a few weeks later I tested positive for an STD. I lost it. I yelled, screamed, cursed … he turned it all on me. Told me I must be the whore. I must be sleeping around. I was so helpless I actually started to blame myself. But, I stayed. Until November 2008. When I met my now husband on a cruise while he was on post deployment leave from Afghanistan (he’s a USMC vet – SGT.) Now at this time, I was in college finally starting to do well again after failing a few classes freshman year due to my mixed up priorities. IE drugs and my boyfriend. But, everything seemed to be back on track for the most part, minus my mom being an addict. In May 2010 I graduated from SPU and was a member of KDP, which is the national honor society for education majors. I was so excited. I had done it. I was the first college graduate in my family, I graduated with a 3.4 in i2 years with a double major. But, I have blocked that day out of mind for 12 years.
Why you might ask? Well, my mother did not show up to my Baccalaureate Mass the day before, so I took her ticket back and asked my grandmother not to give her any. Turns out, she did. My mother showed up to my college graduation at PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel, NJ with a limo, $1000 cash in a white envelope, a mini skirt and questionable clear stripper heels. When she arrived, she was visibly impaired and fell down the stairs, broke the strap on one of her shoes and scratched up her knees. I have never been so sick to my stomach, embarrassed, disgusted, upset, angry and sad all at the same time. On that day, I stopped speaking to my mom. Unfortunately, she died in March of 2018 of addiction related health problems from prolonged misuse of opioids, before we could make amends. Me and my then boyfriend (now husband) packed up and moved across the country to Tempe, Arizona and lived our best lives for a year before heading back to Jersey. Fast forward: I got married to my now husband, Justin, on August 3, 2013 aboard a Royal Caribbean cruise to Bermuda. Fast forward, we have 2 beautiful kids (Evangelina who is 7 and Jaxon who is 5.) During this time I was employed by the Bayonne Board of Education. Shortly after starting my career I had my first mental health crisis. I went to my principal and broke down in tears and explained what I was feeling and going through. I asked for help. He gave me 1 day a month for 2 months to catch up on grading and paperwork. Then, that was it. Until June. There was a vacant position in my building that I was a shoe-in for, but instead of getting that position, I was moved with no notice. I did not find out until I saw my name on the board agenda. I texted my principal right away and received no response back. I was never told why I was moved. Then, I was moved the next year to a different subject. Then, I had a major mental health crisis in November 2019. I decided I needed a higher level of care than my weekly therapy sessions. So, I went to Center For Wellness IOP (intensive outpatient program) for 4 days a week/ 5 hours a day. It is there that Pandora’s box was unleashed. I finally realized what was happening to me at work and how I was clearly being discriminated against on the basis ofa mental health disability (which goes against the ADA by the way.) I also realized that my career was 75% of the reason I ended up there in the first place. I was working in a toxic environment that provided no room for growth and my administrators were literally members of the BHS Baseball team and weren’t even classroom teachers for more than 5-10 years. Bayonne is all about nepotism. It’s disgusting. I went out on medical leave November 2019 and was out the remainder of the year. I had my psych write a letter stating my diagnosis and requesting a light duty position (title 1) because I didn’t want to have to manage my own classroom while trying to get my head together. I was called by employee health a few days after submitting the letter and the nurse told me my letter was not enough. They needed more info. Which again, goes against the ADA. Do you know what I got instead? I got moved to another grade, another subject, with the hardest director in the district. I stuck that out and ya know what? The next September – I got moved AGAIN. Same grade, different subject. In June 2021 I was at the airport with my daughter headed to Ohio to visit my in-laws for a girls trip when I started searching for jobs with the mental health board or addictions services. I have no idea where this desire came from, but it was intense. Like a true calling. So, I reached out to the only contact I could find. That was for Kait from the Prevention Coalition of Monmouth County. I told her who I was and what I wanted to do and she immediately wanted to meet me. After our first meeting, I was accepted to be a part of the Opioid Task Force. It was a dream come true. She also gave me the email to a woman named Desiree who was the contact for the Monmouth County Mental Health Board. I did the same thing with her. I introduced myself and told my story and she too immediately wanted to meet me. I submitted my application right there in the airport! In September 2021, I was officially appointed to the Monmouth County Mental Health Board. I couldn’t get enough of the feeling I got from helping people like me and my mom. It is the most fulfilling thing you could ever imagine. To watch and be a part of a total life change was unexplainable. One day in October I emailed Desiree and said, “do you happen to know of any agencies hiring?” She asked me what exactly I was looking to do. I told her I wanted to work with kids who are addicts or kids whose parents are addicts. The next thing she said seriously knocked my socks off. She says, “would you like me to blast out your resume and cover letter?” I nearly fell off my seat. Naturally, I said yes. Little did I know she sent it to every contact at every agency she had in her address book. Within 15 minutes I was contacted by New Hope IBHC in Marlboro, NJ. By October 18th I had officially resigned from teaching and started a whole new career as Education Coordinator/ CADC intern with New Hope IBHC. We are a residential treatment facility for adolescents with substance use disorder and co-occurring mental health diagnosis. It is the most rewarding job I have ever had. In November 2021 I was recruited to be on the board of the Hazlet Municipal Alliance. We are an organization that also deals with substance abuse in the community. On February 23, I will be pitching my Fentanyl Test Strip pilot program to the Hazlet Municipal Alliance, Chief of Police, Counterdrug Task Force and Monmouth County Commissioner – Sue Kiley. I already have considerable support, but this pitch is the first step in getting the funding for the program.
As if all of this wasn’t already unbelievable enough, in January 2022 I was nominated to be the District 17 Republican Committeewoman for Hazlet. I literally can’t even believe the words I just typed. To have the ability and be in a place of power where I can effect real change in the community and potentially the world is the greatest honor I could ever receive. This will allow me to bring a new and fresh voice to the Republican party. In June 2021 I opened my own company, Evolution by Nikki – which is a lifestyle, mental health and wellness brand. This brand started when I launched my first podcast detailing my lifetime of trauma and how I began healing my trauma from the inside out. Shortly after – this wellness brand turned into a full blown coaching and consulting company, which I have rebranded as Evolution Wellness Center LLC. Evolution Wellness Center provides virtual and in person trauma coaching and consulting via Trauma Healing Workshops on Sunday’s, weekly Virtual Weekly Support Groups for Survivor and Educators, Trauma Informed workshops for students and Professional Development for Teachers and Staff. In July 2022 my family and I relocated to Marysville, Ohio to be closer to family. During my brief time of unemployment I dedicated all of my time to growing my business and making a name for myself. In October of 2022 I was blessed to be able to begin my CDCA career with Access Ohio in Delaware, Ohio. While working there I was able to be a Case Manager, Qualified Mental Health Specialist and CDCA. Working here also afforded me with the opportunity to hone my skills as a Chemical Dependency Counselor. In March 2023 I decided to further my CDCA career by applying to Right Path Recovery Clinic in Columbus, Ohio to strictly be their Trauma Informed Chemical Dependency Counselor. In July 2023 I made a lateral move to The Recovery Center USA – where I developed and facilitated an original podcast and webinar series entitled, ““Trauma Informed Interactions: A Guided Exploration,” in addition to acting as a Trauma SME. I am also the 1st individual in the history of the company to be selected to take part in a Recovery Awareness Month social media takeover. At this time, I am working furiously to also become certified in somatic therapy and to become a certified sound healing practitioner. I firmly believe that in order to guide patients through their recovery journey one must be knowledgeable on how to address their bio-psycho-social-spiritual needs. I have chosen to integrate both Eastern and Western medicine (techniques) into my 1:1 therapy sessions. Patients seem to benefit most from this approach because they feel seen, heard, respected and validated by my unique approach to the recovery/ healing process. In April 2023 something was tugging at my heartstrings – telling me I needed to do something to honor my mother and to help the addiction community. So, I started my own non-profit, The Helen VanNatta Memorial Foundation. This foundation helps to provide families – who can not afford the funeral expenses of loved ones who have died from an overdose – with funding for a proper burial. I truly appreciate the opportunity to tell my story and possibly effect change by fighting to #endthestigma.
I look forward to hearing your feedback. Have a wonderful day!
Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
In my journey, I have faced several profound challenges that have deeply influenced both my personal growth and professional path:
1. Financial Instability: Growing up, my family often struggled with financial instability, leading to difficulties with paying basic utilities and rent. This environment created significant stress and uncertainty in my early life.
2. Parental Addiction: My mother’s addiction to opioids, which began with prescribed medication for pain, severely disrupted my home life. Her addiction led to neglect and a lack of stability, profoundly impacting my emotional well-being.
3. Emotional Trauma: Witnessing my mother in a state of severe hallucination and neglect was an incredibly traumatic experience. This situation left me with lasting emotional scars and a sense of profound loss and helplessness.
4. Early Substance Abuse: As a teenager, I became involved in drug use with my first boyfriend, which escalated to addiction. This period was marked by poor decisions and emotional turmoil, further complicating my personal development.
5. Marital Problems: At 18, I married my first boyfriend to assist him with gaining citizenship. This marriage, however, was fraught with infidelity and emotional abuse, leading to a deeply painful and challenging period in my life.
These experiences have shaped my resilience and determination, driving me to contribute meaningfully to the mental health and addiction recovery fields.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I’m a passionate advocate for mental health and substance use disorder with a diverse career spanning education, counseling, and community service. I run my own apparel company, evolve – design co., and host a podcast called *Evolution by Nikki*. My specialization is in mental health and substance use disorder, focusing on trauma-informed practices and working with adolescents, coordinating education programs, and counseling. I’m known for my dedication to mental health advocacy and my active involvement in initiatives like the Monmouth County Board of Mental Health, The Prevention Coalition’s Opioid Task Force, and reviving the Hazlet Alliance. I’m incredibly proud of developing the first-ever video podcast series at The Recovery Center of Ohio and celebrating National Recovery Month, as well as the positive changes brought about by my community work and roles in local government. What sets me apart is how I blend my professional experience with personal passions, from mental health advocacy to running an apparel company and creating engaging social media content, all while maintaining a strong commitment to community service and making a difference.
Are there any apps, books, podcasts, blogs or other resources you think our readers should check out?
You can access my podcast via this link:
https://linktr.ee/Evolution_by_Nikki
Contact Info:
- Instagram: http://www.Instagram.com/evolution_wellness_center
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@evolution_by_nikki
- Other: https://linktr.ee/Evolution_by_Nikki
