Meet Beth Marie

Today we’d like to introduce you to Beth Marie. 

Hi Beth, we’re thrilled to have a chance to learn your story today. So, before we get into specifics, maybe you can briefly walk us through how you got to where you are today.
My story really all starts with the way I grew up. I was raised by my father Liam who was an independent Network Engineer/ Systems Admin, my grandmother Karen who was a Navy nurse who then moved to a teaching/nursing position at a local hospital, and I was partially raised by my mother Jesssicalynn who was struggling with lupus and other personal health issues. 

My father always raised me with the belief I could do anything I set my mind to. He never wanted me to feel down about myself or feel as though my goals were unattainable. As a child, I used to help him repair computer towers as well as teach my grandmother how to use them. Both my mother and father ran a high-ranking guild on Everquest and would often show me all kinds of cool in-game features. My love of gaming definitely came from those times I spent with my parents. A lot of their music taste was a mix of EDM & Metal so naturally, it shaped my taste in that area as well. 

As I got older and my family split up into my father, grandmother, and I. With my mom living separately I definitely struggled to feel “feminine” or fit in with the other girls in the way I wanted to. I had what a lot of people might call an “ugly duckling” phase. I had always been into painting and as I hit middle school and beauty YouTubers were becoming more common, I viewed makeup as art. It took years of practice to get where I am now in all honesty. Due to my love of alternative culture, the raccoon eyes and poorly dyed hair were quite the staple. Before high school even began, I had dyed my hair every color under the sun. Although I did choose to spend small amounts of time with my mother it wasn’t enough to really teach me all the things I “should’ve” known how to do. I can’t even count the number of hours of googling, watching tutorials, and failed makeup/ hair looks I created. 

I personally have struggled with severe health issues for most of my life. I developed depression and anxiety at a very early age. Ptsd and an eating disorder were soon to follow as I got older. While in my younger years I did have IRL friends as I got older, they became few and far between. Often times I’d be extremely sick or lethargic and couldn’t get out of bed. My family did their best to get me to go to school as much as possible but it was difficult. When you’re not really around or able to do activities in the way other kids your age can it become really hard to connect with people. Sure, you can make temporary friends but it can be hard to relate to normalcy. That’s where my love and comfortability with computers really came in. When I’d spend weeks at home with bronchitis, the flu, strep throat, arthritis, ovarian cysts, etc. I could always find comfort in the games I’d play with others. While of course there is a large risk to having the level of access I did to the internet at the age I did it was not unsupervised. Often playing on sites like Roblox, Webkinz, and other online games gave me something to share with my real-life friends and meet other people online as well. When my mother was still living with us in the morning before school, she made me waffles with butter and syrup while watching me play Mario Kart on the Wii. It still is such a stand-out memory for me because it was one of those things I shared with my entire family. 

While I was in school, I did United States Academic Decathlon along with Model UN. I was very shy when starting out in fact for an impromptu speech I cried within the first 7 seconds of giving my practice one. But I had a great coach Mr. Andrewjzack and friendly teammates who really broke me out of that shell. During that time studying and public speaking really became my safe space. I was struggling a lot after having cut off my mother due to the way she treated me and my father’s side of the family growing up. Everyone on the team really felt like family in a way. My two closest friends to this day Trey & Zain were on the team in the same division as me. They are definitely responsible for my ability to talk so freely now. Which has helped develop my platform especially when it comes to streaming. 

Not everything was sunshine and rainbows throughout my school years. I struggled heavily with body dysmorphia and EDNOS. I went through bullying in school and online. I also went through several abusive relationships that left me with psychical injuries and severe PTSD. While those experiences lead to me having to leave school during my junior year. I also am able to take what I learned from recovery and therapy to help others. A big part of why I dress the way I do now is to take back my power and the experiences I was robbed of. It is a journey learning that clothes are made to fit you and you are not supposed to make yourself fit the clothes. Makeup and hair used to be something I’d use to hide my features rather than enhance them or show off my talent. But as I’ve begun to regrow my platform on social, I’ve started being able to use it as self-expression instead. 

During the year of Covid-19 is when I began to really make content. I was posting silly Tiktoks of my style, stories of my life, and sharing selfies on Instagram. I even at one point was reaching over a thousand followers and getting large amounts of likes/views. I ended up actually getting rid of my social media later on in 2020 & 2021 because it caused such an unhealthy obsession for the validation, I was seeing in my analytics compared to other creators. The content you consume can really affect the way you view yourself and your skills. Social media has made it so everyone and everywhere is just a click away. 

I didn’t start taking social media or other platforms seriously again until I became friends with other creators who really pushed me to start my own channel. Which is what lead to where my platform is now. After working on myself more and Instagram’s feature of hiding the likes of other people I’ve begun to feel a lot more confident in sharing my content because it’s something I enjoy. I love filming myself doing makeup or cosplay. Showing people how to transform themselves or how to highlight their best features. Video editing and design have always come quite naturally to me so it’s another way to express those interests and myself. I even began to pursue streaming on twitch and reached Affiliate status in a handful of weeks by putting myself out there. I share a variety of content, not just my looks but my interests in gaming and art. At one point I was acquaintances with local filmmakers and got to appear in a feature-length and a short film. I even received the opportunity to model for a local vintage fashion show. 

A lot of my personal story has been filled with loss and trauma. But it is something I’m so open and willing to share because so many other people struggle with the same things I did if not worse. I want people to see that you don’t have to come from the perfect background. That not every creator has a perfectly happy life. I lost 3 of my family members in 3 consecutive years. I’ve struggled and still am struggling with my mental and physical health. Not everyone who struggles with these things can advocate for themselves. I feel like in a way it is a responsibility I have that comes with the platform to share my experiences. I hope that because I am so open in this article it will push others to do the same. 

Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way? Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
A lot of the obstacles I’ve faced I’ve mentioned in my story regarding struggling with my mental health. It has really affected my ability to create content. Sometimes it can be really triggering seeing other body types and creators who have higher followings/analytics than I do. I often struggle with comparing myself and basing my self-worth on the results of my posts. A big struggle I also face with streaming is being “On” all the time. The amount of social energy it requires can sometimes be quite draining. I in fact had to take a long break from streaming after reaching affiliate because I was losing my voice. 

Another overall struggle is dealing with the grief I carry. Some days it just hits you like a truck and it’s hard to do anything. Luckily, I have a partner who helps me through these things as well as a counselor. It can still be too much at times knowing that the people I care about are not coming back and or can’t be a part of the things I’m doing now. Often it creates a lot of guilt and anxiety over how much time I really take for myself. 

Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
I create a variety of digital content ranging from makeup tutorials, cosplay, twitch streaming, photography, and art. My personal specialty would definitely have to be when it comes to makeup. I am well known for my Black Cat cosplay from Spiderman. I have several different experiences I’m really proud of regarding my content creation and personal opportunities. A very recent event was where I modeled in a vintage fashion show for Pointe Foure Boutique. I also have appeared in local feature-length and short films. I think what really sets me apart from others is my willingness to try everything twice. Even with my anxiety, I tend to push myself out there past my normal comfort zone. Confidence is something you have to fake until you make it. No one can tell if it’s real or not. Eventually, if you keep projecting you just might find it becoming real. 

What do you think about luck?
While hard work does play a big part in making content honestly a lot of it is luck. The algorithms for platforms are constantly changing. Some platforms even have beauty algorithms to decide which accounts/posts to promote. You really have to stay on top of trending tags, audio, style, and content types. My success is due to just throwing whatever I enjoy out there and hoping for the best. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a lot of my alternative looks stick. 

Contact Info:

• Website: https://linktr.ee/chaoticcurlygirl
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaoticcurlygirl/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Chaoticcurlygirl/
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/Muffinschaos
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCl9jJSYdXCQb_XNDtmk5ORQ
• Other: https://www.twitch.tv/chaoticcurlygirl

Image Credits
Megan Harrison