Today we’d like to introduce you to Sabrina Lindhout
Hi Sabrina, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
Like the majority of professional dancers, I started dancing at a young age and continued all the way through high school. After achieving professional status in ballet, I completely changed course and joined a modern dance company where I danced for 6 years. Now, I’m a freelance dance artist/assistant choreographer and serve as an adjunct faculty member at Baldwin Wallace University. I also work in marketing/graphic design, teach at local dance studios, and work at a bakery!
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
When I was 22 during my 6-year tenure at a Cleveland-based modern dance company, I suddenly got extremely ill and was hospitalized for about two weeks. I was tested for what felt like everything from meningitis to exotic infectious diseases, but no one knew why I was so sick with a fever of 104 and body aches and headaches so extreme that they put any workout or migraine to shame.
After a few days of hospitalization, my doctor was reviewing my most recent test results- all of which offered no answers- and started discussing another diagnostic theory: cancer. I remember looking in the mirror in my hospital bathroom, attached to an IV drip, thinking: “I might have cancer.” A lot of things came to me in sharp relief after that. So many things that I had cared about: what casting I would get in an upcoming performance, the last fight I had with my (then) boyfriend, tiffs with my sister- all seemed so- well, silly. Especially considering that I knew deep down, I wasn’t actually feeling fulfilled with the dancing work I was doing- no matter what casting I got. I had been unhappy in my romantic relationship for years, but didn’t want to be alone. I love my sister to death and knew we were just being dramatic. I suddenly wanted to go and “fix” everything right then and there. (Obviously, I couldn’t since I could barely walk and was attached to an IV, but the feeling was strong.) It sounds cliché, but who wouldn’t think this way when faced with the prospect of a cancer diagnosis? But it just wasn’t something I thought would happen to me. Although, I suppose no one ever does.
36 hours after my doctor uttered those words, I tested negative for cancers across the board. I was relieved, but everything that I had crossed my mind was still itching in my brain. A few days after that, I was formally diagnosed with the autoimmune disease systemic lupus erythematosus, more commonly known as lupus. I was discharged, made up with my sister and eventually broke it off with my significant other, but suddenly lost all the courage I had to make other changes. I tried not to think about it. Something about the security of knowing things would be “the same” after I experienced so much upheaval and uncertainty felt safer than doing anything else.
A few years after that, I had a kidney failure scare. I knew this was something that doctors had warned me about, but I had been fine up to this point; much like my initial run-in with this disease. I had no reason to think this could happen, until it did. Again I found myself asking, “What do you want to do? What do you want to change?” As I grew more anxious about my upcoming appointment to review those results- which my doctor had urgently requested, not easing my anxiety at all- I had finally created soft plans to quit my dancing job. I knew I was no longer happy there, even though I longed for the security I felt it afforded me at the time. Dance jobs are hard to come by, and I felt like I was doing all my years of training a disservice by not staying, even though I knew in my heart there were other things I wanted in my life. When the amount of life I had left suddenly came into question (again), I couldn’t ignore it a second time. I wish I could say I quit immediately, but I did admittedly drag my feet. All that said, as of a few months ago, I no longer work for that dance company.
Both of these health incidents taught me two things: everything can come crashing down and I will be okay (somehow) and that life is too short to stay in places that don’t value you; whether that be in relationships, jobs, friendships – anything. Things can change in an instant without warning. I strive to make sure every day I go to bed feeling like the work I did that day was of value to me, my artistic partners, my students, and the ones I love most.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
My dancing and subsequently, my teaching specialty, lies in non-traditional partnering, which is a technique that my most previous dancing job was specialized in. Non-traditional partnering is a felt-based technique created by Alison Chase, who later founded the dance company Pilobolus. She focused on the physics of weight sharing and fulcrums to create these seemingly unreal feats of strength between diverse body types. The technique itself is considered “non-traditional” because “traditional” partnering is typically between a male-identifying and a female-identifying dancer and each dancer has a set role where the guy pretty much always lifts and twirls the girl. Non-traditional partnering seeks to subvert that stereotype and create a broader range of images for the audience – and the dancers- to enjoy and explore. The technique is very empowering to me as someone who faced body-shaming in the dance world for looking “too athletic/strong for a female” and I’ve been enjoying spreading this empowerment to my predominantly female student base! The triumph I see on their faces when they accomplish something that they said they “weren’t strong enough” to do or “too this” or “too that” is so rewarding. I’ve already seen their confidence grow and I love getting to share my knowledge and expertise in a way that’s life-giving to both teacher and student.
What matters most to you? Why?
I firmly believe in the concept of a well-rounded life (my sister coined the term, so I can’t take credit!). I tried so hard to be this one thing for so long- a dancer- that I forgot so many other parts of myself that also mattered. A lot of dancers face a similar issue: we pour our whole selves into our craft that we forget to water the other flowers in our garden. I hadn’t even noticed when they wilted: the last time I read a good mystery novel, the last time I painted, the last time I went on a run, the last time I baked cookies just for fun, the last time I took off from work to travel (which was never), the last time I found a new album I was obsessed over- and I already felt like I lost those things before age 30?? That’s crazy! It is never too late to change your mind or start over- whether you’re almost 30 or almost 70, whether or not the choice was yours or if it was thrust upon you- you can and you will be able to figure it out. Instead of waiting for the next health crisis to hit, I ask myself those hard questions of “what do I wish was different” or “what would I change” nearly every day now to keep myself aligned with what I want out of this life. The answers might surprise you or they might not, but you never know until you ask. And sometimes, we get the courage to make a change before it comes at us first.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @sabrinalind809
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1AyYzUeM5o/?mibextid=LQQJ4d
